To my splint: farewell, au revoir, sayonara, auf wiedersehen, adios, arrivederci.....

Today was the day I got my gigantic splint taken out of my mouth. And ya know what? It didn't actually suck like I thought it would. In fact, I had a wonderful day. I've been dreading this day for the past few weeks because I was warned about how much it would hurt. The splint is this honkin' piece of plastic that my upper teeth sat in like a retainer, and it had all these little wires wrapped around my braces to keep it in place. For some reason I had it in my mind that all the little wires had to be unraveled, but of course it just all got clipped. I had planned to start untwisting all the wires myself to minimize the time with hands all up in my grill, but my wise mother talked me out of it. Good thing I didn't start that or I think my surgeon and nurses would probably have started questioning my intelligence, or at least my sanity.

I decided to prepare by taking the dose of pain meds I was on a few weeks ago, aka quadruple what I'm taking right now. I took half on the way over, and when I got there they said I probably had about another 30 min to wait so I took the other half. Within maybe 2 minutes it was my turn, and nothing had kicked in. Luckily I didn't need it, but needless to say it was a sleeeeeepy afternoon. I was incredibly nervous because I knew it went so far back in my mouth, and it's still all so sensitive. So anyway, I lie down in my little chair and he comes in to get this speech-impediment-maker/food-holder/incision-healer out of my mouth after all these weeks. I imagine it's a similar feeling to childbirth: you have absolutely zero desire to go through it, but it's not like the thing can stay in there forever. Although in my case, my reward was a nasty little piece of plastic, not a loving bundle of joy. I also can only assume this was a more pleasant experience. Whatever, it's the best analogy I can come up with. 

As soon as I cranked my jaw open and saw him honing in on the target with wire clippers I immediately tensed up- back arched, and very nearly punctured holes in the armrests with my fingernails. This led to him asking me if I trusted him. I couldn't help but burst into laughter- if I didn't trust him, then I've certainly gone too far and maybe should've thought of that before I let him slice my face for 10 hrs. We all had a giggle. And then, all of a sudden, it was over. Sure, the wire clipping seemed to go on for awhile because there's so much of it, but as soon as that thing was out and I could clamp my teeth together, there was a little fireworks display in my head. I would estimate it's been about 6 years since my teeth have touched in all those places. It was magical. I then got to go brush my teeth (glorious- even though this "adult brush" was a bit bigger than the little kiddy Dora toothbrush I've been using). Not gonna lie, I teared up a little bit in the bathroom. I expected to cry today, but more because of the pain than the emotions. Yeah, yeah, it's lame, but it was a pretty sweet moment. I haven't been able to appreciate the pain-free fake joints yet because of, well, the pain, and I haven't been able to fully appreciate the aesthetics yet because of the swelling, but all of a sudden I could fully appreciate the new bite. It immediately validated the 2 years of appointments, the year of braces, the week in the hospital, the 7 weeks in bed, and the months of recovery to come. In that moment I knew that never again would I bite into a sandwich and only pull off the bread, leaving all the delicious filling exposed and un-devoured because I couldn't bite all the way through. It should be noted that I ate a grilled cheese- successfully- as soon as I got home. Ohhhh yeah. My mom and I high-fived.

With this splint out, I can instantly speak more clearly and I think my upper lip falls flatter. Maybe not to anyone else but in my eyes it does. It's also no longer poking through my lips. Exhibit A: 

Splint free!! Day 48.

Tomorrow I'm going to see my orthodontist and I'm very excited to see her reaction. She will definitely appreciate the change I think! The rest of the week will be spent trying to get my act together for school. As if summer is over- wowza. I'll probably be moving back on Monday or Tuesday to get settled in, then I have tour guide training Tuesday and Wednesday night, an appointment with my surgeon Wednesday morning, and classes start on Thursday. Yay! Back to school! :|

Anyway, here is my first side-by-side front view comparison. The "after" shot is taken on my less-than-stellar cell phone camera, but I am wearing the same dress at least! I am still quite swollen but I think you can see that it's gone down a bit since last time. As long as it keeps going down, I'll be happy!

Before and after as of day 46.

All in all, it's been a long but rewarding day. If anyone has had braces, imagine the feeling of getting your braces off but times 10...except that I still have braces. Haha.

I can't even begin to fathom how lucky I am. I was reading this online article profiling my surgeon and his colleague (read it here) and it only reaffirmed that. Most people endure 10-20 surgeries before they bring in the big guns, and I got it right off the bat. Their's is the largest clinic in Canada (there's also a small one in Alberta), and they're only funded to do about 20 a year. When I think about all the people that can't have this done for whatever reason, be it financial, distance, wait-list, whatever, it makes me really sad but it makes me appreciate this whole thing even more. Quite the adventure. And today is the first day I've felt closer to being recovered than to having had surgery. It's a great feeling. Ok, now time to go tear open plastic bags with my under-worked canines. (Just kidding...but the urge is strong).

A :)

ps. I changed my Fantasy Football team name to The Goaldiggers. Our logo is a picture of the Disney Princesses all clad in gold. I thought it was particularly more girly and less frightening than Skull Crushers, and I love it. Our draft is Saturday- time to start my research!

6 weeks! 6 weeks! 6 weeks!

Taken on day 38

1- The number of chins that I gained
2- The number of weeks until I go back to school
3- The number of times I've trekked to visit my surgeon post-surgery
4- The number of incisions on my face
5- The number of pillows on my bed
6- THE NUMBER OF WEEKS SINCE MY SURGERY

I cannot believe 6 weeks ago today I was all drugged up, letting a whole team of strangers work some magic on my shoddy bone structure. In some ways, it feels like I have been lying in bed doing my jaw exercises for ages, but in another way I feel like it was just yesterday that I was getting my lovely hair hacked off while waiting to walk myself over to the OR. The concept of time is a very weird thing when you're not doing a whole lot.

That being said, I am doing a little bit more lately. Friday night we had a surprise birthday party (so fun!) for one of my friends, and he conveniently lives across the street from me. I took advantage of all my spare time to make some cupcakes, then I walked over around 7. He came at 8 (completely shocked...go us) and I stayed and hung out in their gorgeous backyard for a few hours, then I was home by 10:30 like a good little patient! I obviously had to pass on going downtown with them, but I really felt included, and gave myself a little pat on the back for making it out. I had to tragically turn down the many bottles of champagne (I LOVE champagne), but I got to enjoy some food and ice cream cake and the non-alcoholic beer that Steph bought me at the grocery store- haha! She is adorable. Here is the group photo I made my friends pose for. In case you can't tell me apart from the happy partygoers, I'm the one that looks like she's having the worst time ever. In fact, I am actually having the most wonderful time but can't express that on my swollen, emotionless face. :( I feel like that party hat really make me look more fun though.

Spot the jaw surgery patient!

That was a very fun night and a perfect event for my first real social activity. The next day, I went back over to the birthday boy's house to watch a movie, then 2 of my new roommates came for a visit in the evening. We had dinner, walked to Bloor for a coffee, and played board games. It was a wonderful weekend :). Tonight we had a family shindig at my cousins' house, because it's the one night a year when all the cousins are in town. It was a lovely time! I was much perkier than I expected I'd be...a good sign I think.

Despite my increased level of fun, I am very fed up with this recovery. I am still extremely swollen. (I know it may not look it in the self portraits, but I angle myself well). I looked at a picture today from day 7 and I pretty much look exactly the same. DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! The logical side of me knows that it takes time, and before I know it I'll be looking just dandy. It knows that I had a whole lot done and I just need to have faith in the process, because I can't be swollen forever (hey body...that was not a challenge). It knows that when I get the splint out on the 27th I'll feel much better, and that I just need to keep increasing my water intake and the time I spend walking around every day. My emotional side, however, really isn't having any of it. I have been told throughout this whole process that I can expect a 6 week recovery. Today makes 6 weeks, and I am not recovered. So much frustrationnnnnn. I also have "6 to 8 weeks" in my mind, but at this point 8 weeks is also not looking very probable. I am a patient person, I am, but this is getting silly. I just want to go to school and be able to emote to my little heart's content. I just read the blog of another jaw surgery patient and she said she was completely good to go, no swelling or anything, at 2 weeks. I call shenanigans because that is just ridiculous. I do, however, take solace in the fact that her surgery (and those of all the other blogs I've read where they're out living it up within mere weeks) wasn't remotely as extensive as mine, but still. Back to work 14 days post-op? No way, jose. Not on my watch. But back to school 58 days post-op? Bring it on.

Luckily, I've got quite a few things to occupy my time for the next little while. I am knitting a pair of mittens with the help of my friend and her grandma (aka the queen of knitting). I've also joined a fantasy football league (haha) where theoretically none of us really know what we're doing. My tentative team name is the Skull Crushers because that is extremely hardcore and intimidating, and also particularly apt at the moment. I thought it was clever. Better names are welcome though. (Fantasy football tips are also welcome.) Also, I have a lot of work to do as far as packing goes. I have bins and drawers and closets and more bins of clothes that I never thoroughly went through when I came home for the summer, and I made a sizable online shopping trip the other day, so now I have to get rid of that number of items (and more). I'm going to go by the rule "if I haven't worn it this year, I probably won't wear it next year".  This whole purging thing makes perfect sense to me, but I make excuses for every little garment to justify keeping them. Not this time, though. This time I'm going to be tough and ruthless. Grrr.

Anyway, I'm rambling. The last 6 weeks have involved a lot of pain, a lot of narcotics, a lot of mushy food, a lot of complaining, a lot of TV, a lot of visitors, a lot of love, and a lot of progress. I really couldn't have done it without all of you cheering me on. So just keep sending me positive anti-inflammatory thoughts for the next little while and I promise I'll stop whining soon. :)

For now, here is my most current side-by-side profile shot.

Profile comparison as of day 38.

I think it's really quite a remarkable difference! Now if only my cheeks would catch up to the awesomeness.....

Bed time for me! :)

A

ps. When I started this post, it was 6 weeks post-op. But now it's quarter after 1, so I guess I should say 6 weeks and one day. Whatever.

I wrote a song about my residual swelling. Day 32.

Today marks 4 weeks that I've been home from the hospital. 4 loooong weeks. Yesterday was one month since my surgery and I was going to make a post in honour of that, but I kind of forgot. 4 weeks at home is just as exciting of a landmark though! For my picture today I decided to go head on so you can fully appreciate how swollen I still am and how annoying that still is. You can see my beautiful splint poking through my lips. Here it is: 

Day 32

I'm getting very annoyed that I still can't smile. I tried to smile for a photo and it was just embarrassing. It doesn't help that I can't move my forehead either. It kind of resembles someone who has just had botox into her head and collagen into her lips. If you know me, you probably know that I enjoy to smile. I would like to do that again soon. I'm sorry Jennifer Coolidge, but you are somewhat what I resemble when I try to flash my pearly whites. Although I don't even look as full of emotion.

My current smile doppelganger

Yesterday was my first outing that wasn't to my surgeon's office! My old roommate Laura came and spent the day with me which was lovely as always. We walked up to Bloor for much-needed pedicures, and then- this is where it gets exciting- we walked all the way to Baskin Robbins for some ice cream (and back!). If you live in (or know) the village, you can appreciate that distance (it's just over one subway stop). Our prize for such a strenuous journey was a tub of gold medal ribbon. YUM. Highlight of the adventure though was seeing a gentleman on the street with my exact haircut. We bonded.

I've had a nice quiet day watching the Olympics and some Storage Wars and I ate one of my mom's homemade blueberry muffins. It's been pouring most of the day so I haven't gone for a walk. Instead, I wrote a song based on my feelings towards this residual swelling. I didn't really write it, it's more of a re-imagination of Someday My Prince Will Come from Snow White. I've tweaked the lyrics a bit so it is applicable to my situation. I've put a link for the Barbra Streisand version, so open that and let it play while you read my improved lyrics.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsHAWQQCiZ0

Ladies and gentlemen, I present:

Someday my swelling will go

Someday my swelling will go,
Someday I'll see cheekbones.
And how thrilling that moment will be,
When the face of my dreams comes to me.
I'll whisper I love you,
And steal a glance or two.
Though it's far away, I'll wink again someday,
Someday when my face isn't blue.

Someday I'll make a smile,

Someday I'll close my lips.

And I know at the moment they meet,

My heart will start skipping a beat.

Someday I'll say and do

Things I've been longing to,

Things like eat a steak, and drink a beer someday

Someday when my jaw isn't new.

Soon, just you wait and see

There, under my swelling, will be

Something I simply can't help but adore-

A jawline to thrill me forever!

Someday my swelling will go

Someday all my nerves will grow.

Though it's far away, I'll raise my brows someday.

Someday I'll be able to chew!

Oh please, let me smile anew.

And I lived happily ever after. It's been a long day.

Here's hoping that "someday" is a day before I have to go back to school! :)


A

Just truckin' along. Day 28.

Not a whole lot of excitement to report since my last post. Two posts this week- look at me go!

I met with my surgeon today. He was very, very pleased with everything! He said my incisions had healed beautifully, and all the ones inside my mouth looked great too. He said the fact that I'm still as swollen as I am is completely normal. Every time I ask if it's normal that something hurts, he just reminds me that I had major surgery. Nothing I don't know, but still reassuring that nothing has gone horribly wrong. Ooh! The one new exciting thing is that the inside of my upper lip has started tingling- the sign that I am regaining feeling there! I found out today that part of the surgery entailed peeling my facial muscles off of the bone (yes, you read that correctly), and they take about 6 weeks to reattach...so I should regain full feeling of my upper lips and cheeks in the near future! Wahoo! All I can say is I'm glad I didn't know that before the big day. Yikes!

I don't think I've ever actually summed up my feeling (or lack thereof). Basically, I have full feeling and mobility of my lower lip and chin, some movement but no feeling from my upper lip up to and including my lower eyelids (except I can feel my nose), full feeling and some movement of my upper eyelids, and full feeling but zero movement of my eyebrows and forehead. Everything cheeks and down should come back pretty soon. I've been offered the option to go see an eye surgeon about having temporary gold weights put into my eyelids but they don't bother me enough at this moment to have anything else done to my face (can you blame me??), and there's no guarantee that my forehead movement will come back, but I won't know for sure for at least a year, unless of course it comes back before then. But I mean, I can't do the one-eyebrow-raise anyway, and it's like free botox! Don't some women pay a lot of money to have their foreheads stop moving? No wrinkles for me! Thanks, OHIP!

Anyway, the appointment was good and reassuring. On surgery day, I had asked to be able to see my joints after they were taken out, but at this point it looks like I'll just be able to see the photos he took of them. Apparently they don't get joints that mangled very often, so they have been taken to be studied. Hopefully he'll let me see the photos next time- I have an appointment in 2 weeks to have my splint removed. I shudder at how much that's going to hurt (they told me to load up on pain meds on my way over), but I know that's just one step closer to being back to normal.

Here is a photo of me today- note that I am showered and in real clothes! Yay! For now I have embraced my edgy hipster haircut. I see it everywhere- no one has to know that I had it done against my will, it could just be my cool style!

Day 28.

Also a more up-close photo of my incisions. Look at those beautiful scars! They are fading away more and more every day. I'm pretty darn pleased with them. Also I have no idea why I haven't bruised at all during this whole thing. How does THAT make sense? My surgeon must be even more pro than I thought!

As a last little treat, I forgot to post my cool xrays in the last post so here they are! You can't see the top part of the joint because it's made of plastic, but you can see the bottom part, and the bolts in the chin and behind the nose. In the other one you can see the joints head on and how they are bolted into my head. I know it's a little bit gruesome, but you can't tell me this isn't wicked. I'm still just blown away that this can even be done. I really am so lucky.

Time to go watch a movie with my friends that are visiting. All in all, a good day. (I mean, I had spaghetti and meatballs for dinner! Cut up really small!) Thanks, still, for all the continued love and support :) Means more than you'll ever know!

A

I slept with a bikini tied around my head. Day 25.

Yes, that's right. One of the downfalls of lost facial movement is that my eyelids don't seal quite tight enough (they are still "closed" though...I don't look like a creepy person), and I have a fan blowing on me all night so they get rather dry. I have a lovely silk sleep mask that I wear all the time (I like to sleep in darkness), and it has been solving my dry eye problem wonderfully, but 3 nights ago it disappeared. No sign of it anywhere. So perplexing since I would never take it out of bed. Wednesday night I solved the problem by velcroing the long thing that holds my ice pack around my face, but then I realized I wanted it to do its job, namely- hold ice packs. So then my mom, out of sheer brilliance, grabbed one of my bathing suit tops as a solution. And I gotta say, it worked like a charm. I could tie it loose enough that it wouldn't cut into my healing battle wounds, and if I wanted to be really ambitious I could put my nose through the mid-chest key hole (this was impractical though). I know how silly I looked, but dry eyes are so annoying that it was totally worth it. This morning though, my mom and Elizabeth came in and decided that I looked like a fly. After a verse or two of "Shoo fly, don't bother me", Elizabeth remembered that she, too, has a sleep mask that she's offered to lend me til mine shows up. Problem solved, and now I won't be woken up to songs likening me to an insect. Resemblance? Nah.

To be honest, this whole bedridden thing is getting old. The honeymoon phase of lounging all day is wearing off. I just tried to drink some hot chocolate and it spilled all down my face and onto my pillow. Ugh. I am getting better at eating, though. For the first couple weeks, all I could eat was soup and smoothies (ewww...so over smoothies) via one of my fabulous 60mL syringes (see photo). Now, I can take off my elastics and eat, albeit painfully, anything that I don't have to chew: stuff like mashed potatoes, rice with goat cheese, and spaghetti cut up reeeeeally really small. Carbo-loading yes, but it's certainly more exciting than all the various soups I've been having. I have lost about 15 lbs so far, which I credit to the syringe diet. I should patent that. Who needs the gym? Just have jaw surgery. Or voluntarily eat everything out of a syringe. Forever.

Apparently I am healing very well, but I wish the swelling would disappear! I feel like I've plateaued in that department for the time being. I have to keep being reminded of the extent and severity of what I had done, and that I should obviously not expect to be fully recovered by now. I mean, I sleep more than 12 hours a day! But I just want to eat sushi or a hamburger, go swimming, walk farther than up the street without getting tired, sit on a patio and have a beer etc.... In due time I suppose, but a girl can dream. I'm going to try to continue to decrease my pain meds and keep going with my jaw exercises and hope that I'm good to go for September. I'm currently signed up to be a volunteer during orientation week, and I really don't want to have to cancel that! My jaw exercises, by the way, are very exciting: open and close my mouth 100 times a day. I'm up to 1.5 fingers wide, which doesn't look like a lot, but I've made a lot of progress considering on day 10 when my surgeon cut off my elastics my jaw just fell right open because my muscles were so out of practice. Now THAT hurt. It still hurts to exercise but it's getting better...only up from here! This weekend kind of sucks because it's the long weekend, and instead of being at Veld, Osheaga, Caribana or my old roommate Ellen's annual Barn Dance, I am in bed. Thank goodness for the olympics!! If there's going to be a summer where you have to recover from something for this long, pick an olympic summer. Very well planned on my part ;)

All whining aside, I'm sure I am slowly getting better. The pain is pretty good, it's just the medication that wipes me out. Slowly getting off those bad boys. Thanks again to all the people that haven't forgotten about me yet! So amazing how much love is still coming my way. It really is nice to have so many people in your corner. :)

Here is a picture of me today, on day 25. I don't see a huge change. Scars are hardly noticeable though, eh?

Day 25!

Also as a last note- I just wanted to clarify that I had nothing done to my nose! A few people were asking after they saw my comparison photo. It does look very different, but that just goes to show how much changing the jaw can change the proportions of the face. And my upper lip is still quite swollen so that could explain it too. Unless of course I did have a nose job under the knife and no one told me! HA can you imagine?? Anyway, time for a movie!

A